Resolving to Get Skinny

I think everyone in a ten mile radius of me is losing weight as a “New Year’s Resolution.” Shut up already, people. You’re annoying. If you need to lose weight, please do yourself a favor and do it. If you don’t, then stop worrying and bitching about it. If you’re not sure, just check if you’re happy and healthy and then choose from the above options. I hate New Year’s Resolutions (obviously). No one ever sticks to them and I sure as heck don’t care what yours is so just stop it if you aren’t serious.

This does relate to a bridal-y topic, or actually, it is a bridal-y topic. No, it’s not complaining, it’s losing weight. Every wedding book has a chapter on it; every magazine has at least three articles on it; every television program shows the bride-to-be freaking out about the dress fitting and looking skinny enough and yada yada yada. Now, let’s be clear on one thing: I like to look good. I know my sarcastic and complainy ramblings make me sound like a thoughtless, soul-less jerk, but I too, would rather enjoy looking my best on what most people say ends up being one of the Most Important Days of Your Life. However, it makes me sad and mad that there is such a huge focus on this. Why do you assume I want to read fifteen pages on ways to tone my arms? I really just bought your magazine for the ads! My friend got married about five years ago, and I remember she was way skinnier a month before the wedding than she was six months before; I told her she looked so thin and she said, “Oh you will too when you get married.” I thought what the hell is she talking about? But now I know. Stupid media and misogynistic society!

Do you want to look anorexic in your wedding photos? I do not. Do you want to look starving and dehydrated and miserable? I do not. Do you want to look like someone other than yourself? No. If you need to make some lifestyle changes, sure, a wedding might be a good jump start and just the excuse you need. But weddings are not good times to go crazy because you want to look good in that one dress on that one day for the photos and your guests. If I just so happen to lose five pounds before my wedding it’s because I need to, thank you very much.