Vacation, Sweet Vacation

We’re spending the week skiing in Utah with a bunch of friends; not a bad few days, eh? Here’s what I am looking forward to, besides fat skiing in waist-deep powder and getting a sunburn: not talking about wedding things. Don’t get me wrong, I like planning and organizing and being in charge, but it will be nice to get away from my notebook of phone numbers, the magazines, and the questions-oh, the questions. Maybe after a week of fresh air and friends I’ll have a new perspective and find some of the tedious things a bit more interesting. Which color flip-flops should we wear at the party? What color overlay would best match the theme? Hold up, we have a theme? Well, that’s okay, because I just spent a week out west, not working!

Gimme, Gimme

You wonder how Bridezillas are born? Registering is how. You can ask for anything because you’re the bride-to-be and everyone lets you do whatever you want. Then, because you can ask for anything and everyone lets you do what you want, you go overboard with the whole greed thing and poof: Bridezilla.

So let’s talk about presents. Yes, I will be selfish and talk about the big taboo subject: gift giving. To me. That’s right: I invite you to my wedding, you give me a gift. And it better be a good one. Sound stupid? Kind of. Tradition I am shunning? No way.

Fiancé and I will be moving, and buying a house, a few months after we get married. Since we have already lived together for almost three years, we do have many things that are necessary to run a household. We can cook and sleep and sit on a couch and that means we can get along just fine. However, I must say, this whole registry idea is really hitting at the right time, being connected to the wedding and all. It would be nice to have more than four matching plates. I will like some wine glasses that didn’t come from the $1 table at the Christmas Tree Shops. It would be nice to have a Cuisinart instead of doing everything by hand! And supposedly some people will give us money? New (and by new I mean used, but new-to-me anyway) car, anyone? If you give me money the least I can do is have you to my backyard for a sweet dance party and free beer, I mean really. And what if I ask for things and no one buys them for me? Who cares, I’m married! It’s really a win-win: you decide if you want to come to my wedding and buy me stuff, and if you don’t, I still get a husband!

Mayhem Rising

If you ever thought a rehearsal dinner was a simple, small affair, you were wrong. I’m starting to think there might be people at the rehearsal dinner who I forgot to invite to the wedding, it’s getting that big. This is not okay for the anti-social part of my genetics which, as you could guess, inhabit a large number of my family members as well. We’ll be the big guys leaning against the building out of the line of fire.

It’s really making me wonder how I will be at my kids’ weddings. Will I think everything has to be the way it was for me in 2009? Will I go totally in the opposite direction and suggest everything completely different from the way I did it? Will I think everyone on God’s green Earth will be insulted if I don’t invite them or sing the right song or have the right flavor cake? What crazy new traditions will appear (apparently our parents didn’t have this whole Internet thing and therefore registries were not fun or easy-can you imagine?)?

I’m not trying to call anybody old-fashioned here but, well, back to the old “I’d like to know everyone at my own wedding” argument. Is that too much to ask on my Big Day?

Owwie!

Half way done with paper cranes. Did I mention my fingers hurt?

Ugly Dress Selection Complete

Today we got the last bridesmaid into the dress shop to poke around and decide which of my hideous selections she would wear on the Big Day. Of course I think the dresses look fabulous and the colors are pretty and each ‘maid looks fantastic and so on and so on, and obviously my bestest friends would never tell me if they thought the dresses were horrible, but I have been extremely wary of the whole process. There are so many horror stories out there about friendships ending over this Big Decision. I’m asking them to spend $200 on this piece of fabric they could potentially soak in gasoline and burn as soon as they get home from the party! Talk about stress. Oh dear.

But matching shoes are apparently another story. They are all about the shoes.

Resolving to Get Skinny

I think everyone in a ten mile radius of me is losing weight as a “New Year’s Resolution.” Shut up already, people. You’re annoying. If you need to lose weight, please do yourself a favor and do it. If you don’t, then stop worrying and bitching about it. If you’re not sure, just check if you’re happy and healthy and then choose from the above options. I hate New Year’s Resolutions (obviously). No one ever sticks to them and I sure as heck don’t care what yours is so just stop it if you aren’t serious.

This does relate to a bridal-y topic, or actually, it is a bridal-y topic. No, it’s not complaining, it’s losing weight. Every wedding book has a chapter on it; every magazine has at least three articles on it; every television program shows the bride-to-be freaking out about the dress fitting and looking skinny enough and yada yada yada. Now, let’s be clear on one thing: I like to look good. I know my sarcastic and complainy ramblings make me sound like a thoughtless, soul-less jerk, but I too, would rather enjoy looking my best on what most people say ends up being one of the Most Important Days of Your Life. However, it makes me sad and mad that there is such a huge focus on this. Why do you assume I want to read fifteen pages on ways to tone my arms? I really just bought your magazine for the ads! My friend got married about five years ago, and I remember she was way skinnier a month before the wedding than she was six months before; I told her she looked so thin and she said, “Oh you will too when you get married.” I thought what the hell is she talking about? But now I know. Stupid media and misogynistic society!

Do you want to look anorexic in your wedding photos? I do not. Do you want to look starving and dehydrated and miserable? I do not. Do you want to look like someone other than yourself? No. If you need to make some lifestyle changes, sure, a wedding might be a good jump start and just the excuse you need. But weddings are not good times to go crazy because you want to look good in that one dress on that one day for the photos and your guests. If I just so happen to lose five pounds before my wedding it’s because I need to, thank you very much.

This is the Year!

On New Year’s Eve, last night, it became apparent that this year I will be getting married. This is obvious of course, but the thought came to my head and it was like a beacon of shining light illuminating and magnifying the thought that of all the years in the history of time, it’s this one. Next New Year’s I won’t be single; I won’t be engaged; I’ll be married. Is that weird or what?

It’s not that I’m being sentimental, don’t get me wrong. I’m not sad about saying goodbye to the possibility of being a single girl again. And I’m not sniffly about the idea of knowing where my midnight (ha! Like I stay up ‘til midnight!) New Year’s kiss will come from every time for the rest of my life. It’s not as if I’m going to miss my “previous” life which, by the way, for the past three years has been exactly as my married life is going to be (until children…that topic is for another day). It’s just that it hit me: it’s 2009 and in 2009 I’ll be married.

Maybe it’s just me, but it sounds weird. Say it: married. Probably I’ve just said it and typed it and thought it so much that it seems awkward, you know when that happens? A good example is in Black Sheep when Chris Farley and David Spade get high from some gas leak in their car and start saying “road. Rooooad. Roooaaad. Row-ad” and laughing their asses off. That’s a better example actually, but anyway.

The year is here!