One week ago, I had no clue. With an empty ring finger and zero visions of a nervous boyfriend on the horizon, I was blissfully unaware. My friend—my two years younger friend—had just got engaged, making me somewhat jealous but also curious and excited. Surely I would
someday maybe possibly perhaps be proposed to as well? Had you said I would be engaged within ten days, I would have laughed at you, rolled my eyes, and probably tripped you on the way out for good measure. I am positive if I had been one of those movie characters who finds the secret velvety ring box in a secret underwear drawer I would have immediately expected a proposal and developed a nervous tic if it didn’t come within, oh, eight hours. Oh, and I would have been guiltily miserable if I didn’t like the surprise jewelry choice. So it’s a pretty good thing I had no idea.
My fiancé—haha, I can call someone my fiancé!—is not the most suave of guys. Sure, he’s kind and well-intentioned, always doing the right thing, like being responsible and only drinking two beers on a Tuesday night, but Romeo he is not. It’s not the more-than-average sweating, or shaky hands, that make me say this. It’s that he is a terrible secret keeper, liar, and deceiver. These deficiencies are good in a romantic partner, surely, but in a top-secret proposal and spontaneous romance creator, well, more Maxwell Smart than James Bond. Needless to say, I was confident I would see it was coming. “Not so fast, Smarty-Pants,” you should have said.
Here’s how I reacted when he finagled me out onto the front deck of my family home in 40 degree weather, asked a couple trick questions, and then the real one: “are you
serious?” Then, looking at the beautiful—so beautiful it looked fake—ring: “is that real?” Girls should be slapped when they ask if engagement rings are real, I don’t care if you think girls should never be slapped. Its like, “No, Josephine, he’s slightly shaking and sweating out here on the windy, cold porch, practically dragging you out to join him, opening a velvet ring box in your face, and hiding champagne in a mixing bowl of ice around the corner because he is just that good a prank-player.”
PS. After my initial, inane responses, I said yes.
someday maybe possibly perhaps be proposed to as well? Had you said I would be engaged within ten days, I would have laughed at you, rolled my eyes, and probably tripped you on the way out for good measure. I am positive if I had been one of those movie characters who finds the secret velvety ring box in a secret underwear drawer I would have immediately expected a proposal and developed a nervous tic if it didn’t come within, oh, eight hours. Oh, and I would have been guiltily miserable if I didn’t like the surprise jewelry choice. So it’s a pretty good thing I had no idea.My fiancé—haha, I can call someone my fiancé!—is not the most suave of guys. Sure, he’s kind and well-intentioned, always doing the right thing, like being responsible and only drinking two beers on a Tuesday night, but Romeo he is not. It’s not the more-than-average sweating, or shaky hands, that make me say this. It’s that he is a terrible secret keeper, liar, and deceiver. These deficiencies are good in a romantic partner, surely, but in a top-secret proposal and spontaneous romance creator, well, more Maxwell Smart than James Bond. Needless to say, I was confident I would see it was coming. “Not so fast, Smarty-Pants,” you should have said.
Here’s how I reacted when he finagled me out onto the front deck of my family home in 40 degree weather, asked a couple trick questions, and then the real one: “are you
serious?” Then, looking at the beautiful—so beautiful it looked fake—ring: “is that real?” Girls should be slapped when they ask if engagement rings are real, I don’t care if you think girls should never be slapped. Its like, “No, Josephine, he’s slightly shaking and sweating out here on the windy, cold porch, practically dragging you out to join him, opening a velvet ring box in your face, and hiding champagne in a mixing bowl of ice around the corner because he is just that good a prank-player.”PS. After my initial, inane responses, I said yes.
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